Friday, September 11, 2015

Peace

It was the winter of 2001. The sky was just breaking out into the day, the sun peeking through scattered clouds of brilliant white. I drove with my two children heading somewhere far away and unimportant. It was the first truck that caught my attention, trailing in the back of a convoy of five. 9/11 had struck into our hearts and shattered safety into a million bits of ignorance across our lives. We were a nation united by tragedy, brought together in a flood of solidarity and patriotism to heal our wounds. The United States was in mourning. Our flag was still waving, but our lives were altered. Americanism was in, the stars and stripes were everywhere. That tragic day in September had made our flag the symbol of hope. It was cool to be square. Commercialism at its finest. We were Americans after all.

I drove behind the camouflaged covered military truck, thinking of all the recent events, my children, and where their lives would lead in light of recent events. In the back sat a soldier, his knees facing inward, across a bench that lined the side of the vehicle. He stared out into the world flashing past him, beyond our car and into an abyss of a changed landscape. I watched him, the gaze of a boy on a mission. His mission. He was in uniform, matching the camouflaged colors of the truck, set on disappearing into a battle I had no knowledge of, nor was I supposed to. Our eyes met, and together we drove, locked in a gaze of unity. I thought about my kids and about life. So much sacrifice, so much unsaid, yet a world of understanding. We were a nation in a battle for our future, struggling to overcome sadness, fear, anger. I wanted to tell him that everything would be okay, even if it was a lie. I wanted to hold him and thank him. To tell him how much I appreciated his choice. Protect. I stared back conveying my hope that he would be okay, we would all be okay. Soon.

Rolling down my window I felt the morning air rush across my body. Filling the car with the frigid cold, my children watched, six eyes now focused as the scene unfolded. As a mother your children are everything, what would tomorrow bring in this state of national uncertainty? There were dreams interrupted, lives on edge. He was a symbol of our future. Success. We would continue, fight, pray. Live. Moving my hand from the steering wheel I raised it out the window, into the roar of traffic that surrounded us, the force of air rolling against my outstretched arm. He was someone’s son, standing up for us all in a battle for freedom. Freedom to breath again, dream, sleep without fear. Our eyes never diverted from each other. He watched, I watched. Pouring out my emotions through my actions I raised my fingers and gave him a peace sign. He sat up straighter, focused, and understood.

Suddenly out of the back of that truck no less than ten hands struck out in answer. Soldiers that could not be seen prior reached out in response, each confirming they had heard, each with two fingers raised in reply. Peace was the message. Driving down the 5 freeway, heading south, I gasped. Cried. We were united. A united state of hope rang out. I heard every word. It was the winter of 2001, and, as one, we took the future into our hands.

Never forget.


Friday, February 20, 2015

The Pelican

Actual texts between me and a friend:

...AND a true story on the 405. Yeah, I guess 2015 IS looking better than 2014...


Me: Okay, so I'm driving yesterday day
???
I mean...
Uhhuh
I'm driving yesterday...
Yeah...
(... A little too much whiskey tonight)
Damnit. You never drink with me.
And traffic around lax/Santa Monica gets real slow
Shut up
Reeeeaaalllll slow
... Like like time to smoke a cigarette slow...
So I'm driving like 5 Miles Per Help me kill myself and I drive next to-
PELGUIN ON THE FREEWAY!!!!

What??? Who is pelguin???
Just sitting there, IN THE CARPOOL LANE looking at me like " hey there pretty lady"
NO!!! Pelican!
Fuck

In a car?
No ON THE FREEWAY. Just standing there looking at me- like "I know about you and your boudjuor ideas you crazy redd" ( insert Russian accent here)
WHY IS THE PELICAN RUSSIAN!?!?
That's how I saw him, with a hat, beret like and cigar. With that lllooonnnggg beak.... See it?
Lol ok
It was surreal, yet totally happening. I LOVED it!!! But I was the only one, I thought, who saw it.

(10 minute gap)

So I called 911.

Were you drunk then too? Maybe there is a reason you're the only one who saw it...
FYI- they SAID they already had a call. A truck was on its way for the bird. So there.
Lol suuuuuuuuure.
Whatever. My truth is awesome.
That it is, redd...that it is. Thank you for sharing such a crazy story! I wish I'd been there.
I'm gonna post it on Facebook.
Hell yeah
But when I do, I'm totally adding the beret and cigar.
Hahaha!!!

_____

You know what though, in some bizarre Hollywood way, I wanted to put that dang bird in my car (A little red convertible, which totally had the top down on a sunny CA day- duh) and together we would just kick it back to Grams for her bday before going home. I mean it looked at me, like that.

It was that kind of awesome seeing that bird standing there in the carpool lane, I seriously felt like Ross in Friends with that monkey, and we didn't even have a Scrabble piece to bind us. Calling 911 was like calling the Narc's on him even though I knew he was better, hoped he would better, with some help. Though to me we will always share a cheap cigar and beret (Artists like us need our props). They bind us, tell me you don't agree.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Pieces

A Toast, to all the yesterdays and every tomorrow.
There are things that happen to us everyday that we never think twice about. There are just so many things that happen to us each and everyday that it is impossible for us to assume everything will have a purpose. What I am discovering since losing someone in my life is that a few everyday moments are revealing their true purposes years after they have occurred. Little minute triggers are bringing some memories back and suddenly those everyday minutes are moments that I will hold onto and will never forget.

Yesterday our cable station ran Monsters University, a popular Pixar movie that is a prequel to the classic Monsters, Inc. that came out in 2001. At the time the original came out my kids were on the cusp of being too old for "those silly cartoon movies" so I had written it off as a no go, but Charlie had taken his daughter, Tori, and they had a great time. I remember how we talked about it in such vivid detail now it's almost odd to me. (I can barely recall what I had for lunch last week) He reminded me that they are young for such a small amount of time, and none the less the humor was really right on the mark for our kids and of course he was right. Monsters, Inc became a favorite in our house yet I never gave that conversation a second thought until this weekend. 

Earlier this week I was looking for the counterpart of a left shoe while getting ready for work and ran across my red cowboy boots. I had to pause a minute as I stared at them and remembered a chili cook off with Charlie years ago when we were hanging out with other great friends of ours, Chris and Larry. I was wearing the red boots and it became a topic of conversation in who could actually pull off the fashion sense of the red boots- basically razzing me the entire afternoon. Which I took as well as the margaritas would allow. The thing is I have worn those boots like a million times since that chili cook off and have never thought of that afternoon, but now that's all I see when I look at them.

I am realizing that this is what we leave behind once we pass on. I have been in a fog since Charlie passed, I still am in some ways, it hurts too much otherwise. Yet in my heart I see him now in those things around me. On random days a forgotten memory will appear and within an everyday task suddenly he will be here with me smiling and laughing alongside me again. Always when I don't expect it, but the joy is that I am reunited with him over something that I would have never thought of otherwise. It changes my entire perception of the moment and the object. It's the most amazing thing. The apple fritters at the beach the day we said goodbye, I have no idea who brought them, but now every time I see a donut shop I think of those fritters and that beautiful day. I mean what an odd thing to have at a service? Yet it is so Charlie. 

I talk to him a lot now, I see him and hear his laugh. We all miss him and I promise this blog will not become the tribute to a dear friend- but perhaps just this one last post. He is still thought of. He continues to surprise me, he continues to be missed.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Charlie


I'm a first name basis kind of soul. Dave my mailman, Diana my hairdresser, and Jerry my neighbor can attest to that. My address book on my iPhone is further proof for every person within it is listed by their first, not last names. Though not traditional it's never posed any issues and works well for me in storing the information needed for family and friends. There is one caveat that was always more of a joy than a true issue. 

Our media buyer from work, Charlie is often needed via the phone to clarify billings. As I am the final step in the process of releasing approval of funds I pick his name from my phone from time to time. Only more often than not I end up calling my friend Charlie in error. Sometimes I get him directly, other times I get voicemail and hang up. On those occasions he will then see that I called, and in true cell phone etiquette always call me back. In these cases there is most always a moment of confusion as I am completely perplexed why he is calling. This confusion always humored him- especially since we have danced this waltz before, but by the end of the conversation twenty minutes have past and I am recharged and always left smiling.

It isn't just inconsequential phone calls either, Charlie was the first person I called when Erik was taken to the hospital. He is part of all of our celebrations, many family vacations, and endless evenings where the stories and laughter outlasted the food on the table. 

Tonight I got a call that Charlie died. He had been sick with the flu these last few weeks and it progressed to pneumonia which was just too much for his body to handle. I can't believe it, I just don't know how to put my friend away and tuck those stupid, but oh so precious misdialed conversations away forever. In the fifteen years of knowing Charlie he taught me to surf (okay, tried to teach me), to fish for trout (as well as fry the trout perfectly over an open flame), to never underestimate the power of a good beach bonfire, and to laugh whenever possible among friends.

I will so miss you.


Friday, January 31, 2014

Hiatus


Hiatus
I've been on a self-imposed hiatus. There were too many things going on in my life that required attention or reflection and writing about it just wasn't a priority or even a necessity for me at the time. 
I am a part time wife, full time mother, turning in my step parenting credentials in the wake of a broken trust yet to be repaired. And so another level of complexity gets added to my story in this life.
Thus another year passes through the space and time on this ride to where we now once again find ourselves coming together and meeting to catch up to discuss life and share stories. 

Enjoy.



Saturday, September 15, 2012

Long Live Imagination


In my life I have lived many different hats. Mother, daughter, wife, sister. I am always an extension to someone else and I have no one to blame for this but myself for I give to those around me and do so freely, with only so many hours in the day it is no one’s fault but my own when there is little time left when everyone else'e needs are met.

So it is with a great deal of pride when I find myself taking time to do things for myself above those around me. Greater still with the support of my family who supports and assists me in these hobbies and interests without guilt, especially a long standing one that is photography. I have had an interest in Photography since I was a child and my own Mom turned our bathroom into a darkroom so we could spend weekends developing pictures into the wee hours. 

Which is not to say I know everything about photography. I just enjoy capturing the world the way that I see it. Recently my daughter mentioned my photographs and the possibilities of submissions into a few photo contests. I have been restless in my accounting job and am feeling anxious to be known more in a creative field. Do it. Was her sixteen year old matter of putting it.

Step in fate and do it I did. 

Almost by accident I found out about a contest shortly after my angst and our conversation, so I entered a few photos into Canon and Ron Howard’s Long Live Imagination photo contest in which there are 10 themes. There will even be a movie made from the winning photos.

Well, finalist be damned. But I am among the very lucky, and I am so very proud. Check it out and hopefully you will like it and find a way to vote for it as your favorite. I want to win because it merits amongst the best of the bunch and not because of a mass blog to readers. I am proud of it, I love the comments and it’s true I do walk a little straighter, a little brighter, and I can’t wait to shoot more pictures tomorrow!  





Coffee Break by Shay Kay


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Reflections/ 365 Days

Tuolumne Meadows, Sept. 2011

There was a fat girl living my life and I had no idea. I am not bothered at all by that fact, what I am bothered by are the comments I receive now that she has apparently left the building (so to speak). 
Maybe I should explain…

I never knew I was overweight, I mean I knew I had a few more pounds than I needed, but those pounds were Mom pounds, easy to lose if I cared enough you know non intrusive pounds that were easily hidden and equally disguised.

I am also a liver of the life I lead so I was never wanted to be weighed down by my size. When trying on clothes I would become frustrated by the system, not my body. Its interesting that it was the clothing companies and manufacturers that I always found fault with. You know they just don’t make a Large like they used to and, wow guess XL is the new L or I’ll just get it a size larger because I like it roomy. 

When I looked in the mirror it’s not that I hated what I saw, I just saw me so it was all good- I just had no clue that who I saw wasn’t the same person everyone else saw.

Then, a year ago I started having some health issues that have nothing to do with weight or weight related issues but as a result I had to begin a daily medicine that affected my appetite. Ever so slowly my weight changed. It has altered so much that people that know me have approached me as if I had a unsightly third limb removed that everyone knew about prior but no one wanted to point out. 

Gleefully they come up beaming with pride like I broke through to some secret society that they had always wanted to invite me too but never could. To me its weird, awkward, and uncomfortable. It just seems like a fake scene that is replayed each time another person sees me or another five pounds is lost. 

Now I am not totally crazy (okay maybe I am, but that is another post), the whole thing is really how I perceived myself. I saw that my clothes fit different and I no longer blamed companies for their odd way of sizing. Its was like everything just went back to normal. Everything just made sense again when before excuses were the norm.

Tuolumne Meadows, Sept. 2012
Then this last weekend Erik and I went back to one of my favorite places just outside of Yosemite Valley and I took an almost duplicate picture from the year previous. Back home I was switching out the photos on my desk when I saw both women for the first time. 



The girl that I always saw looking back in the mirror was real for everyone at last. Its just that prior to this year I was the only one who saw her. 

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Maria

I first noticed you, sitting at the bar next to me playing Words With Friends. 

Funny a barstool and basket of peanuts used to be an invitation to meet people, talk to them and see eye to eye. Now it was a quick drink and an Ap. The bar scene was a sad place given most were nose deep and had blinders on. 

I had decided not to fall prey and was resolute to not only SEE people, but smile at them as well. Shocking results ensued. 

You were no exception. Eventually we caught each others eye, something clicked, we talked and even shared a laugh or two with fellow patrons before discovering we were on the same ferry back to Seattle. Bound now we celebrated with yet another toast together and set off with our bags and merriment.

Stories, Laughs, and yes more drinks were shared. Even more friends were made as we traveled along our way back to the lives we had escaped if only for a short time.
All too soon, you were off on your way and I was off to mine. A plane ride for you, for me it was one more night in a hotel.
At 3:30 in the morning you woke me up with a text that you were home and safe- after all that’s what friends do.


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Seven years. Same Canyon, Same place, Same amazing kids



2005

You don’t realize the days that transform your world, I mean collectively the days that turn into weeks that turn into months and then years and so forth. This life that we live is so extraordinary and yet we breath it one second at a time and quite frankly experience it so slowly that it is no wonder that we miss so much of it as it passes us by.

Perhaps that is why I love taking pictures so much. Why I am thrilled by what I see through a lens and what I have as a historical footprint for myself as well as my children and, some day, their children.

I was here, I am here, and I remember as if it were yesterday when really it was seven years ago. 
2012

Happy Mothers Day.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

I was in it for the T-shirt and swag bag all along anyway


The Revlon 5k Run/Walk For Women

Our intentions were good. But, really there was soooo many people...and truth be told it was basically like being on the 405 freeway at 5:00pm on a Friday only with people instead of cars. 

I was in it for the T-shirt and swag bag anyway. Well, that and the LA shopping my girl and I were gonna do afterwards.

...So after sitting at the back of the starting line for 30 minutes (which seemed like 90) and moving all of 5 feet we looked at each other and decided that in Los Angeles kilometers were actually steps and we had completed our responsibilities so what better time to start shopping then right away? 

We hit Burbank, Glendale, and Santa Monica before night hit and we needed to head back home.


Footnote: This race for us had no sponsors and we had paid all our fees for Cancer research ahead of time so we held no obligation to complete the race other than being there together and having fun. AND think of all The people that saw us while we were walking around and shopping while wearing our race shirts, collectively spreading the word about Cancer research and thinning our wallets- Really we were helping the cause in our own creative way when you think about it.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Sweet 16


Every year is an amazing year when you’re a parent to see the changes and growth from one season to the next as your child grows, but its the milestones you hit that really make you wonder where the hell all the time has gone.
It was only yesterday when I was refilling sippy cups with watered down apple juice and stocking my purse with snack bags of cheerios. Now I’m sitting in the passenger seat gripping the seatbelt as she changes lanes and sips on lattes.

Here is the breakdown of her whirlwind weekend (yeah weekend, I’m a TOTAL push over)

  1. Homemade youtube Video of family and friends wishing you a Happy Birthday
  2. Presentation of ring given to me at 16, now a family ring passed down to you
  3. Trip to Tiffany’s. The YIN to your day and a plan of ours for years. Your choice.
  4. Thrift Store trip.The Yang to your day and a fun one too!
  5. Dubs, your friend of choice to spend the rest of the weekend with
  6. Hair. Gorgeously styled and curled
  7. Nails. Finally, the mirrored Minx nails you have wanted for ever!
  8. New Outfit. Shopping for you both
  9. New Shoes. Got new clothes need new shoes.
  10. SUR in Beverly Hills. The surprise of the night!
  11. Glen Ivy Hot Springs
  12. Massages. After all, its rough being spoiled.
  13. Mud Bath, we went tribal and had a blast.
  14. Disneyland. Okay, that we did NOT do just seeing if you were reading.
  15. Gossip Hour in the lap pool. (This was pretty darn fun!)
  16. Happy Happy Birthday Kates! 
                                                                                                                          xoxo

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Celebrate-16



April 26th 1996


You are a strong female among four generations of strong independent females who stand before you, love you, and share with you their path, their stories, trials, and tribulations of life. 

We have paved our way not only for ourselves but also for you. To show you what is possible and to allow you to dream beyond your immediate grasp, reach beyond the stars and aspire to places that your Grandmother, your Great Grandmother and me, your Mother, could ever imagine.

Happy Sweet 16 Kates.  

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

60 Hits Vegas


I know they say what happens in Las Vegas stays in Vegas and for the most part that is true but not because of some big sorority pledge that occurs when you fly or drive across those sinful boundaries but because most people have to sober up to get the hell out of dodge and when everyone does that they are left with no earthly idea of what has transpired in their recent past. 

If it were not for the evidence on our handy state of art phones how many of us would be totally in the dark about our indulgences the nights before?  Sin city has simply made it their trademark and we have soaked it up having been granted permission to be bad and not tell a soul.

Cut to my Mom Nancy, her best friend Julie (aka my second Mom), myself, and a 60th birthday celebration.

It involved a limo, orgasms, a room overlooking the fountains, an amazing dinner with a sommelier, a first rate show with fire sand and a moving set that was spectacular, helicopter rides, gaming, and two absolutely amazing women!

We changed that town it didn’t change us for it will never be the same again. 

I have the pictures on my phone to prove it.


                                                                                           Happy Birthday Mom!


P.S. I had you at Orgasms didn't I? Well it is the best damn Blush out there and my Mom can't stop talking about it! It's a hoot. Thank you Sephora.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Timing is Everything or When Left Alone- because both fit



One White iPhone 4                                                            $399.00
Goofy Glasses left over from someones Xmas stocking      $4.95
Laughter with oneself on a sleepless night                           Priceless 




Sometimes the only one who will play is my sweet Meggie (and only then its because I am holding the duck jerky in one hand while balancing my finger on the camera button with the other).

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The New Guy at Work


There is a new co-worker here at work. His name is Archie and he is a bit young and has a slight medical condition that requires him to wear a neck collar that can, at times impede his goals. 

But his determination is strong and of course he is on track for employee of the month- Those new guys are always showing off, so I didn’t feel bad at all when I caught this little video of him recently having some issues on a recent lunch break we had together and he dropped a bit of his tasty treat




...of course he got me back later in the day when I had to pick up after him out in the yard.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

A Tiger Earns His Wings


Just yesterday he was a Tiger Cub, putting on his little orange T-shirt with the iron on paws and gold belt buckle that always clanked in the dryer when it was washed because inevitably he would forget to take the belt out of the loops and off the pants...


Today he stood surrounded by his family and peers, a boy turned man in the blink of an eye. He has given to his community, his family, this land. 





My son is an Eagle Scout. He stands proud and I stand beside him, even prouder.

(Yep that's me beside him on his shoulder there in the picture, always thought I acted like I had a higher than thou like complex? Well there's the proof right there people. So we agree, now carry on and get me my slippers my toes are cold.)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Skiing the Golden Gate Bridge













This year for the holidays Erik and I had the brilliant plan to not get the kids anything. 














To not get them anything because well, they already have everything they need and most everything they could possibly want. So, THIS year we would get them non tangible gifts and give them a super cool trip instead (ooh aah). A ski trip to be exact in wonderful Lake Tahoe. While the boys exhausted themselves with overstimulated ski 24/7 Kates and I would take time out to hit the spa and unwind, shop, enjoy, and you know, wave at the slopes.

So while I went around town and watched friends and strangers frantically looking for gifts and crossing off names on lists that were pages long, I made quick stops at the local sporting goods store getting gloves, scarves, and warming packets for our pockets. Picked up cocoa at the grocery store while also picking up dinner for that day. Little things that would fill stockings and fit under the tree but nothing major or stressful to burden my mind. I was soooo sure THIS was the year I had it all figured out.

Then on December 21st a friend of mine who lives in Reno sent me this...



...and I panicked. Really what is Tahoe without snow? It’s kinda like Wally World being closed for repairs. Not only that but everything else under our holiday tree was specifically purchased to go with the big snow trip AND it was dangerously close to Christmas day (see bold font above for emphasis). 

Cut to me frantically getting on my phone backing out of rentals and bouncing around town returning things (yeah I’m THAT person) holding up lines and bringing sales people to the breaking point who are already six espressos deep after three straight shifts of “Countdown to Santa Days”.

With our money in hand and a day to get things done Erik and I bought the only thing we could agree upon and each had a margarita rocks no salt. Then we had another. Yeah, it was pretty much a crap shoot from there on out.

The next day it was Kindle fires all around (Amazon Prime rocks it yet again) which was a great choice since we would be driving to San Francisco and, as you can see, we had a terrible time. 








                                                                                It was the best not a ski trip ever.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Happy Birthday Babe- Now lets wear mustaches, act normal, and go out on a school night!


For 23,652,000 minutes...
For 540 months...
For 4 1/2 decades...















However you decide to label it, it’s your day- Happy birthday babe.
Not only did we have fun in our disguises, but the kids also got into the act posing with the Beatles (who also brought their ‘staches to the party)

It was a great night, for a great guy.

















Here’s to the next 45. 

                                                                    xoxo