|A Toast, to all the yesterdays and every tomorrow.|
There are things that happen to us everyday that we never think twice about. There are just so many things that happen to us each and everyday that it is impossible for us to assume everything will have a purpose. What I am discovering since losing someone in my life is that a few everyday moments are revealing their true purposes years after they have occurred. Little minute triggers are bringing some memories back and suddenly those everyday minutes are moments that I will hold onto and will never forget.
Yesterday our cable station ran Monsters University, a popular Pixar movie that is a prequel to the classic Monsters, Inc. that came out in 2001. At the time the original came out my kids were on the cusp of being too old for "those silly cartoon movies" so I had written it off as a no go, but Charlie had taken his daughter, Tori, and they had a great time. I remember how we talked about it in such vivid detail now it's almost odd to me. (I can barely recall what I had for lunch last week) He reminded me that they are young for such a small amount of time, and none the less the humor was really right on the mark for our kids and of course he was right. Monsters, Inc became a favorite in our house yet I never gave that conversation a second thought until this weekend.
Earlier this week I was looking for the counterpart of a left shoe while getting ready for work and ran across my red cowboy boots. I had to pause a minute as I stared at them and remembered a chili cook off with Charlie years ago when we were hanging out with other great friends of ours, Chris and Larry. I was wearing the red boots and it became a topic of conversation in who could actually pull off the fashion sense of the red boots- basically razzing me the entire afternoon. Which I took as well as the margaritas would allow. The thing is I have worn those boots like a million times since that chili cook off and have never thought of that afternoon, but now that's all I see when I look at them.
I am realizing that this is what we leave behind once we pass on. I have been in a fog since Charlie passed, I still am in some ways, it hurts too much otherwise. Yet in my heart I see him now in those things around me. On random days a forgotten memory will appear and within an everyday task suddenly he will be here with me smiling and laughing alongside me again. Always when I don't expect it, but the joy is that I am reunited with him over something that I would have never thought of otherwise. It changes my entire perception of the moment and the object. It's the most amazing thing. The apple fritters at the beach the day we said goodbye, I have no idea who brought them, but now every time I see a donut shop I think of those fritters and that beautiful day. I mean what an odd thing to have at a service? Yet it is so Charlie.
I talk to him a lot now, I see him and hear his laugh. We all miss him and I promise this blog will not become the tribute to a dear friend- but perhaps just this one last post. He is still thought of. He continues to surprise me, he continues to be missed.