Wednesday, March 5, 2014


A Toast, to all the yesterdays and every tomorrow.
There are things that happen to us everyday that we never think twice about. There are just so many things that happen to us each and everyday that it is impossible for us to assume everything will have a purpose. What I am discovering since losing someone in my life is that a few everyday moments are revealing their true purposes years after they have occurred. Little minute triggers are bringing some memories back and suddenly those everyday minutes are moments that I will hold onto and will never forget.

Yesterday our cable station ran Monsters University, a popular Pixar movie that is a prequel to the classic Monsters, Inc. that came out in 2001. At the time the original came out my kids were on the cusp of being too old for "those silly cartoon movies" so I had written it off as a no go, but Charlie had taken his daughter, Tori, and they had a great time. I remember how we talked about it in such vivid detail now it's almost odd to me. (I can barely recall what I had for lunch last week) He reminded me that they are young for such a small amount of time, and none the less the humor was really right on the mark for our kids and of course he was right. Monsters, Inc became a favorite in our house yet I never gave that conversation a second thought until this weekend. 

Earlier this week I was looking for the counterpart of a left shoe while getting ready for work and ran across my red cowboy boots. I had to pause a minute as I stared at them and remembered a chili cook off with Charlie years ago when we were hanging out with other great friends of ours, Chris and Larry. I was wearing the red boots and it became a topic of conversation in who could actually pull off the fashion sense of the red boots- basically razzing me the entire afternoon. Which I took as well as the margaritas would allow. The thing is I have worn those boots like a million times since that chili cook off and have never thought of that afternoon, but now that's all I see when I look at them.

I am realizing that this is what we leave behind once we pass on. I have been in a fog since Charlie passed, I still am in some ways, it hurts too much otherwise. Yet in my heart I see him now in those things around me. On random days a forgotten memory will appear and within an everyday task suddenly he will be here with me smiling and laughing alongside me again. Always when I don't expect it, but the joy is that I am reunited with him over something that I would have never thought of otherwise. It changes my entire perception of the moment and the object. It's the most amazing thing. The apple fritters at the beach the day we said goodbye, I have no idea who brought them, but now every time I see a donut shop I think of those fritters and that beautiful day. I mean what an odd thing to have at a service? Yet it is so Charlie. 

I talk to him a lot now, I see him and hear his laugh. We all miss him and I promise this blog will not become the tribute to a dear friend- but perhaps just this one last post. He is still thought of. He continues to surprise me, he continues to be missed.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Tuesday, February 11, 2014


I'm a first name basis kind of soul. Dave my mailman, Diana my hairdresser, and Jerry my neighbor can attest to that. My address book on my iPhone is further proof for every person within it is listed by their first, not last names. Though not traditional it's never posed any issues and works well for me in storing the information needed for family and friends. There is one caveat that was always more of a joy than a true issue. 

Our media buyer from work, Charlie is often needed via the phone to clarify billings. As I am the final step in the process of releasing approval of funds I pick his name from my phone from time to time. Only more often than not I end up calling my friend Charlie in error. Sometimes I get him directly, other times I get voicemail and hang up. On those occasions he will then see that I called, and in true cell phone etiquette always call me back. In these cases there is most always a moment of confusion as I am completely perplexed why he is calling. This confusion always humored him- especially since we have danced this waltz before, but by the end of the conversation twenty minutes have past and I am recharged and always left smiling.

It isn't just inconsequential phone calls either, Charlie was the first person I called when Erik was taken to the hospital. He is part of all of our celebrations, many family vacations, and endless evenings where the stories and laughter outlasted the food on the table. 

Tonight I got a call that Charlie died. He had been sick with the flu these last few weeks and it progressed to pneumonia which was just too much for his body to handle. I can't believe it, I just don't know how to put my friend away and tuck those stupid, but oh so precious misdialed conversations away forever. In the fifteen years of knowing Charlie he taught me to surf (okay, tried to teach me), to fish for trout (as well as fry the trout perfectly over an open flame), to never underestimate the power of a good beach bonfire, and to laugh whenever possible among friends.

I will so miss you.

Friday, January 31, 2014


I've been on a self-imposed hiatus. There were too many things going on in my life that required attention or reflection and writing about it just wasn't a priority or even a necessity for me at the time. 
I am a part time wife, full time mother, turning in my step parenting credentials in the wake of a broken trust yet to be repaired. And so another level of complexity gets added to my story in this life.
Thus another year passes through the space and time on this ride to where we now once again find ourselves coming together and meeting to catch up to discuss life and share stories.