Thank You, More Please

Tuolumne Meadows by Shay Kay

Reflections/ 365 Days

Tuolumne Meadows, Sept. 2011

There was a fat girl living my life and I had no idea. I am not bothered at all by that fact, what I am bothered by are the comments I receive now that she has apparently left the building (so to speak). 

Maybe I should explain…

I never knew I was overweight, I mean I knew I had a few more pounds than I needed, but those pounds were Mom pounds, easy to lose if I cared enough you know non intrusive pounds that were easily hidden and equally disguised.

I am also a liver of the life I lead so I was never wanted to be weighed down by my size. When trying on clothes I would become frustrated by the system, not my body. Its interesting that it was the clothing companies and manufacturers that I always found fault with. You know they just don’t make a Large like they used to and, wow guess XL is the new L or I’ll just get it a size larger because I like it roomy. 

When I looked in the mirror it’s not that I hated what I saw, I just saw me so it was all good- I just had no clue that who I saw wasn’t the same person everyone else saw.

Then, a year ago I started having some health issues that have nothing to do with weight or weight related issues but as a result I had to begin a daily medicine that affected my appetite. Ever so slowly my weight changed. It has altered so much that people that know me have approached me as if I had a unsightly third limb removed that everyone knew about prior but no one wanted to point out. 

Gleefully they come up beaming with pride like I broke through to some secret society that they had always wanted to invite me too but never could. To me its weird, awkward, and uncomfortable. It just seems like a fake scene that is replayed each time another person sees me or another five pounds is lost. 

Now I am not totally crazy (okay maybe I am, but that is another post), the whole thing is really how I perceived myself. I saw that my clothes fit different and I no longer blamed companies for their odd way of sizing. Its was like everything just went back to normal. Everything just made sense again when before excuses were the norm.

Tuolumne Meadows, Sept. 2012

Then this last weekend Erik and I went back to one of my favorite places just outside of Yosemite Valley and I took an almost duplicate picture from the year previous. Back home I was switching out the photos on my desk when I saw both women for the first time. 

The girl that I always saw looking back in the mirror was real for everyone at last. Its just that prior to this year I was the only one who saw her. 

Maria

I first noticed you, sitting at the bar next to me playing Words With Friends. 

Funny a barstool and basket of peanuts used to be an invitation to meet people, talk to them and see eye to eye. Now it was a quick drink and an Ap. The bar scene was a sad place given most were nose deep and had blinders on. 

I had decided not to fall prey and was resolute to not only SEE people, but smile at them as well. Shocking results ensued. 

You were no exception. Eventually we caught each others eye, something clicked, we talked and even shared a laugh or two with fellow patrons before discovering we were on the same ferry back to Seattle. Bound now we celebrated with yet another toast together and set off with our bags and merriment.

Stories, Laughs, and yes more drinks were shared. Even more friends were made as we traveled along our way back to the lives we had escaped if only for a short time.

All too soon, you were off on your way and I was off to mine. A plane ride for you, for me it was one more night in a hotel.

At 3:30 in the morning you woke me up with a text that you were home and safe- after all that’s what friends do.

Seven years. Same Canyon, Same place, Same amazing kids

2005

You don’t realize the days that transform your world, I mean collectively the days that turn into weeks that turn into months and then years and so forth. This life that we live is so extraordinary and yet we breath it one second at a time and quite frankly experience it so slowly that it is no wonder that we miss so much of it as it passes us by.

Perhaps that is why I love taking pictures so much. Why I am thrilled by what I see through a lens and what I have as a historical footprint for myself as well as my children and, some day, their children.

I was here, I am here, and I remember as if it were yesterday when really it was seven years ago. 

2012

Happy Mothers Day.

I was in it for the T-shirt and swag bag all along anyway

The Revlon 5k Run/Walk For Women

Our intentions were good. But, really there was soooo many people...and truth be told it was basically like being on the 405 freeway at 5:00pm on a Friday only with people instead of cars. 

I was in it for the T-shirt and swag bag anyway. Well, that and the LA shopping my girl and I were gonna do afterwards.

...So after sitting at the back of the starting line for 30 minutes (which seemed like 90) and moving all of 5 feet we looked at each other and decided that in Los Angeles kilometers were actually steps and we had completed our responsibilities so what better time to start shopping then right away? 

We hit Burbank, Glendale, and Santa Monica before night hit and we needed to head back home.

Footnote: This race for us had no sponsors and we had paid all our fees for Cancer research ahead of time so we held no obligation to complete the race other than being there together and having fun. AND think of all The people that saw us while we were walking around and shopping while wearing our race shirts, collectively spreading the word about Cancer research and thinning our wallets- Really we were helping the cause in our own creative way when you think about it.

Sweet 16

Every year is an amazing year when you’re a parent to see the changes and growth from one season to the next as your child grows, but its the milestones you hit that really make you wonder where the hell all the time has gone.

It was only yesterday when I was refilling sippy cups with watered down apple juice and stocking my purse with snack bags of cheerios. Now I’m sitting in the passenger seat gripping the seatbelt as she changes lanes and sips on lattes.

Here is the breakdown of her whirlwind weekend (yeah weekend, I’m a TOTAL push over)

1. Homemade youtube Video of family and friends wishing you a Happy Birthday
2. Presentation of ring given to me at 16, now a family ring passed down to you
3. Trip to Tiffany’s. The YIN to your day and a plan of ours for years. Your choice.
4. Thrift Store trip.The Yang to your day and a fun one too!
5. Dubs, your friend of choice to spend the rest of the weekend with
6. Hair. Gorgeously styled and curled
7. Nails. Finally, the mirrored Minx nails you have wanted for ever!
8. New Outfit. Shopping for you both
9. New Shoes. Got new clothes need new shoes.
10. SUR in Beverly Hills. The surprise of the night!
11. Glen Ivy Hot Springs
12. Massages. After all, its rough being spoiled.
13. Mud Bath, we went tribal and had a blast.
14. Disneyland. Okay, that we did NOT do just seeing if you were reading.
15. Gossip Hour in the lap pool. (This was pretty darn fun!)
16. Happy Happy Birthday Kates! 

                                                                                                                          xoxo

Celebrate-16

April 26th 1996

You are a strong female among four generations of strong independent females who stand before you, love you, and share with you their path, their stories, trials, and tribulations of life. 

We have paved our way not only for ourselves but also for you. To show you what is possible and to allow you to dream beyond your immediate grasp, reach beyond the stars and aspire to places that your Grandmother, your Great Grandmother and me, your Mother, could ever imagine.

Happy Sweet 16 Kates.